Abella Danger (7x Most Epic Ass Award Winner) Has Made HISTORY At THE U Of Miami

Devlin5/12/2025 6:20 PM

Folks that's friend of the program and current UMiami student/master debater Abella Danger. Sure she's also dabbled in absolutely dominating the adult film world but this blog is about her academics, so please stop barking.

Dade County's finest has been crushing it the whole spring semester and now completely done with "Formal Logic" FOREVER.

I double checked our archives and verified with Pirate Simon that this is in fact, historical as fuck.

Ms. Danger is now the 1st ever AVN winner to successfully complete a Formal Logic course at an established university. Sorry Cory Chase, just wearing studious glasses doesn't earn you a degree. Back to your stepson you go.

Now it's unknown if The U will send her a trophy for this like her other career victories, but honestly there might not be enough room on her shelf anyway. She'd have to move aside her 7 AVN awards for 'Most Epic Ass' to fit all that in there.

I'm no mathematician but it certainly seems like she earned those in spades.

Let's review quickly.

The peer review definitely proves the Epic Ass theory correct but where are all the awards for Epic Abs too? What the hell are they putting in the water down there in Miami? Is she just studying Greek philosophers whilst constantly crunching an ab wheel? How can you be that physically fit yet still retain an ass that fat? It boggles the mind. But that's what greatness does I guess.

It's impossible to embed her IG in the blog (too much greatness) but her post from 2023 about getting into UMiami was pretty cool. Clearly meant a lot to her getting accepted there, especially as a local girl, and really all her energy past few years has only gone into nailing this degree.

Truly an inspiration to us all.

"In honor of the best year of my life thus far coming to an end, I want to share this video (that I swore to myself I would never share) of the exact day in 2023 that made it the best year of my life so far: The day I got accepted to the University of Miami. I was crying so hard because I was so shocked. I never imagined I would get accepted out of all of the incredible students that applied. I don’t think anyone except those closest to me realize how hard I worked. When I made the decision to go back to college at Miami Dade I said I’m gonna spend these next two years working harder than I ever have so I can transfer to UM. I didn’t only get amazing grades, and on the deans list multiple times, I spent countless hours at debate practices, and so many weekends in competitions, I was a philosophy tutor 5 hours a week every single week. I registered countless people to vote, helped fundraiser thousands. I did so much on my own free time to ensure I did everything I could to be accepted to my dream school UM. I’m sharing such a personal moment of my life mostly to inspire you. I promise if you work hard for what you want, and I mean harder than you ever had. Your dream just might come true too🥺 thank you 2023, I cannot wait to see what 2024 has in store for me, most importantly, I cannot wait for spring semester to begin"

Words we can all live by, and try to get better with… Abella isn't telling you to go hard, she's telling you to go HARDER. And if she can willingly walk away from millions of dollars to pursue an actual dream instead? Well heck, why are YOU waiting to go after yours?

After she finishes that degree I hope she comes back to Barstool HQ and debates all our brightest minds on philosophy. Imagine her putting Mintzy in mental pretzel about Plato's allegory of a cave? Running laps around Marty Mush about the Socratic Problem? That's appointment television. And she's already shown to be 1 of the best interviews across any Barstool platform, so we gotta make it happen.

Beauty, brains, style, humor, and someone who is PUMPED when she only makes a guy last 30 seconds? Back in the day we used to call that a potato sack girl here. But at the very least, she's clearly on her way to becoming the greatest philosopher of our time.

Good luck finishing out your semesters Abella, we're all rooting for you here sis.