Who Cursed The Boston Celtics And Jayson Tatum's Achilles Tonight? Rick Pitino? The Kardashians? Or Portnoy?

Dante5/13/2025 4:00 AM

Greenie blogged this a little bit ago, but the 2025 Boston Celtics title defense is effectively donezo. Over. Finito.

Not only did they vomit all over themselves, up BIG in the 2nd half, for the 3rd time in these 4 games against NY, but to twist the knife deep and hard it would appear Jayson Tatum shredded his achilles in the process.

Giphy Images.

While watching the meltdown, my mind first went to the spawn of the devil herself sitting courtside tonight-

Of course, the youngest Kardashians are Knicks fans now, sitting courtside, with her twink boyfriend.

Anybody who knows anything about deals with the devil/selling your soul/satanic rituals/Illuminati sacrifice/witchcraft knows that you need to "give up" or sacrifice something, in order to "get". (More on this later.)

Kris Jenner crossed that bridge a long, long time ago. You have your pick at the possible things or people she sacrificed in exchange for her coven to become the most well-known, non-royal, family in the world. She's won so much and so frequently that the world didn't even care when Ray J and Kanye admitted she allegedly choreographed her daughter's sextape, and then shopped it around Hollywood. Essentially launching her empire.

Anything, and everything they touch turns to gold. Except for NBA players. As Lamar Odom and Kris Humphries will attest, the Jenner/Kardashian clan and professional basketball don't bode well.

At least so I thought.

These two rocking Knickerbockers hats, sitting courtside every game this postseason, should have sealed the deal on the Knicks postseason fate. Yet now they look an Eastern Conference Finals away from returning to the NBA Finals for the first time in a quarter century.

I don't know Mr. Lombardi. I can't figure it out either.

So there I was, all set to chalk this disaster of a night up to Kylie and Kelly working their voodoo when this ghastly figure flashed across the television screen.

Of course, this rat fuck sat courtside tonight amongst Patrick Ewing, Clyde Frazier, and a bunch of Knicks has-beens.

It's good to see that when he's not busy training for marathons, he can find time to show up courtside at MSG.

There he was, glad handing and high-fiving after the Celtics franchise player's foot just fell off, and they dropped a backbreaking loss in excruciating fashion.

Pay no attention to the fact that Boston is the same organization who paid him $70 million dollars to run Red Auerbach out of the building, and run the team into the ground before resigning, out of shame, via a fucking fax machine, like a coward.

He made sure to hop on the bird and drop this right after as well.

I wanted to fucking puke.

I still do.

As easy as this hex would be to pin on Quick Rick, my gut tells me it was in fact, an inside job.

That's right.

There was Dave 2 days ago- after the Celtics didn't shit their pants up 20 late in the 3rd quarter, and closed the deal. Talking all sorts of trash to Knicks fans and players.

Nothing out of the ordinary of course. This has been Dave's modus operandi for 20 years now. It's what moves the needle, made him filthy rich, and made him a household name.

Butttttt….

I can't help feel like the tide is turning.

Or that it has been turning recently.

He's obviously still got the golden touch when it comes to picking out dogs to adopt.

But it appears that that deal he signed with the Devil back in the early 2000s might have expired.

Think about it-

Our coach, THE GREATEST COACH, OF THE GREATEST DYNASTY, IN SPORTS HISTORY - is undergoing an undoing and public tar & feathering that Linda Holiday, Bill Polian, and Don Shula couldn't have devised in their wildest dreams. It's been public humiliation of the grandest scale. And unless your name is Jerry Thornton, it's left us all questioning everything we thought we knew about life as a whole.

Then there's the Red Sox and Bruins. Both of which haven't been this irrelevant, literally, in decades.

For the first time since Brady was picked off at home against, now Patriots coach Mike Vrabel's Tennessee Titans, there's finally reason to be optimistic about our football team. But the Patriots are so far away from competing at the level they did year in and year out for twenty seasons. The bar has been lowered to the point we will rejoice as fans if they make the Wildcard while Josh Allen is still in the league.

Sad days indeed.

And now this with the Celtics.

Sure, they raised banner #18 at the start of this season. Sure, they absolutely dominated all season long, and it seemed like the hardest part of Mazzulla's job was keeping the team focused enough to stay in shape and show up in meaningless regular-season matchups every night. But things just never felt right this season.

In a weird way, this Celtics team was defending a title, but only in writing.

You would think that a team that got written off like they did last season, despite absolutely steamrolling through the playoffs, and embarrassing Dallas in The Finals, would command much more respect coming into this season. That they'd come out with a giant chip on their shoulder, like, "oh we had the easiest road to a championship ever last year motherfucker?"

But that didn't really seem to happen.

And these late-game collapses against a team that is extremely well-coached (Thibadeau), and actually plays with a giant chip on their shoulder, led by guys who are flat-out junk yard dogs, (Brunson, Bridges, Hart) has been like shining that mirror from Snow White on Tatum, Brown, and Mazzulla this past week.

Giphy Images.

Yah. Not good.

So as much as I love Dave's shit-talking, and pot-stirring, especially when writing a check telling the opposition they're dead and the series is over, despite them being up 2-1 with game four on their home floor, this never felt like the Celtics team that could cash that check.

And that was before our MVP candidate blew out his achilles.